Something Stinks

Me:  "Oh, do you have a bloody nose?"

Maiden:  "No."

Me:  "Then why do you have napkins stuck in your nose?"

Maiden:  "Cuz Prince Charming stinks."

And another day...helping a napping Daddy avoid the stench of yet another dirty diaper.

Do you think maybe it's time for Prince Charming to be potty trained?  Yeah, that's what I thought.  

Learning to Read

Duchess really wants to read.  We've been using Alpha Phonics, but she doesn't seem to be catching on.  I don't think she is ready to start reading yet and I would like to put it away for a while.   She is not willing to wait.  She wants to read NOW!  So, I grin and bear (and repeat over and over) our reading lessons.

Today I asked The King if he could read with her.  They were working on the 'ad' word family.  She read aloud:  ad, had, dad, Tad, and then got the deer in the headlights look when she came to the word sad.  The King decided to give her a little hint, "If I'm not happy, I'm...."  Duchess beamed and loudly exclaimed, "Angry!"

The excitement of reading lessons doesn't stop there.  One day she and I were working on the letter P.   I said to Duchess, "The word purse starts with the letter p.  Can you hear puh when I say purse?  Other words that begin with p are pin and pad."  Duchess said, "Oh, I get it."  Then I asked her, "How about the word pig, what letter does that start with?"  She gave me the deer in the headlights look.  "I continued.  Pig.  What sound do you hear?"  She replied, "Oink, Oink."

What would I do without this girl?  She brings smiles to my face every day.

Work Out!

Sharing a photo from Duchess' homecoming.  I love this one of her and her Daddy.   There is a special bond between these two, she is his little sidekick.  She loves to be with him one on one.  If he goes to town to run errands, she is buckled in the vehicle before he has a chance to find his wallet.  If he's working outside on projects, she's by his side handing him tools.  If he's out for a walk checking out our property, she's walking right along side of him.  She loves her daddy.

She's also brutally honest.  Last night The King was relaxing after our evening meal when Duchess came up to him and rubbed his belly with her hands.  She lovingly said, "Dad, I think you should work out after every lunch." 

No Naked Drawings

This is Maiden's reaction when I told her to look in the mirror one morning after she woke up.

The photo has nothing to do with the following kid quote...I just liked the photo and wanted you to be able to see Maiden's face when you read it. 

Maiden (after having drawn a stick person):  "Mom, how do you put clothes on people you already drawed?"

They are Learning Things I Don't Teach Them

The other day Duchess asked me, "Mom, can you touch your uvula?"

I asked, "Do you even know what you are talking about?"

She replied, "Yeah.  (opening her mouth very wide)  I can almost touch mine with my tongue.  Can you?"

Baby Shower

The other night the girls and I went to a baby shower for a baby who was born about a month ago.  Neither of them had been to a shower and excitedly talked about it throughout the day, often asking me what people do at showers.

I told them we would play some games, and someone might read something for the mom and baby.  Then we would watch the mom open gifts, and finally, have a snack.  If they were lucky, they might even get to hold the baby.

However, Maiden expected something more logical.  About half way through the games, she whispered to me, "When do we get to watch the baby take a shower?

Image Credit

Make Up

Maiden and Duchess this past summer after fixing each other's hair.

The girls and I were getting ready to leave the house when Duchess noticed that Maiden had an alarming amount of eyeshadow applied to her eyes.

Duchess:  (In a very disciplinary and accusing tone.)  "Are you wearing mom's make up?"

Maiden:  (Quietly and meekly.)  "I wanted to look pretty."

Duchess:  (This time much gentler and more understanding.)  "You don't need make up.  You are already pretty.  Only mom needs make up."

Mom:  (Confused and thinking to herself.)  "Why do I suddenly feel like crying?"

Spoons

It's citrus season!  As a fundraiser, a local private school sells cases of various types of citrus from November through March.  We purchase a case each of grapefruit and oranges every month.  My kids love grapefruit and eat it for breakfast, snacks and dessert.  This is a problem because we only own four grapefruit spoons.  Do the math:  4 grapefruit spoons divided by seven children equals chaos.  Needless to say, those grapefruit spoons are in high demand and constantly being pulled from the dishwasher and hand washed throughout the day.

The other morning as the girls were eating their grapefruit, Duchess, in a very dramatic voice, said to Maiden:  "Last night (long pause--I'm sure to add drama) I had to eat my grapefruit (another long pause to take a bite of grapefruit) with a Cheerios spoon."

Maiden (with disbelief and shock in her voice):  "Really?"

Fair is Fair

My girls and I at the Nutcracker Ballet in December

Maiden came to me today crying:   "Mom, I only hit Duchess one time but she hit me two times.  She shoulda only hit me once."

Heaven

While driving down the road:

Maiden: Pointing to a cemetery. "Hey look, I see heaven."

Mom: "What makes you think that's heaven?"

Maiden: "Cuz when we die we go to heaven. That's where dead people go."

Conversation with Duchess

While sitting in our vehicle in the grocery store parking lot:

Duchess: "MOM!! MOM!! Look, that guy has a smoking thing!!!" (A cigarette.)

Me: "Yes, he does."

Duchess: "Why do people smoke?"

Me: "It's a bad habit that people start and have hard time stopping. I hope you never try it. It's also bad for your health. Smoking makes some people so sick that they die."

Ducess: "Yeah, I know. It gives you breath cancer."

Farkles, Fableeus, and Fragilous

Maiden: "Oh look, I have a farkle!"

farkle [fark uhl]
–noun
1. one of the small, brownish spots on the skin that are caused by deposition of pigment and that increase in number and darken on exposure to sunlight; lentigo.

Duchess: "Mom, you look fableeus."

fableeus [fab lee uhs]
-adjective
1. extrememly pleasing; wonderful.

Duchess: "My brain is fragilous."

fragilous [fraj uhl uhs]
–adjective
1. easily broken, shattered, or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail.

From Mrs. Potato Head to Cinderella

Just when I was beginning to think I was a Hairy Armpit Mrs. Potato Head, my sweet Maiden redeemed herself.

This morning while I was fixing my hair, she lovingly looked up at me and said, "You look just like Cinderella."

Now that's what I like to hear.

A Portrait of Me

Maiden, age 3, brought me this picture. She drew it just for me. Her beloved mama. I was having a hard time figuring out what or who it could be.

Me: "Thank you honey. It's a really great picture. Tell me about it."
Maiden: "It's you."
Me: "Wow. That's really good."
Maiden: "Yeah, see your eye? It looks like that cuz you are sick."
Me: "That is good detail. What are the dark spots on the sides of my face?"
Maiden: "That's not your face. (Giggling) It's your armpits."
Me: "Oh."
Maiden, whispering and grinning from ear to ear: "You just got out of the shower, so you don't have any clothes on."

Good grief.

Excuse me, I think I need to exercise...and shave.

Our Fairy Tale Life---Becoming Reality?

I think my children are starting to believe this Fairy Tale I have created.

One day Duchess was crying. When I asked her why, she replied, "Prince Charming dropped a measuring tape on my toe."

She didn't use his real name. She actually said Prince Charming.

Should I be concerned?

My Balloon Popped

This little girl took way too long getting here. It took years to persuade The King into pursuing adoption and once the process finally began, we had two more years of official waiting. She is a joy and so full of life. Sometimes I look and her and can't believe she is my daughter. Created by God, nurtured in another woman's womb, then placed in my arms. How blessed I am to have experienced this thing called adoption. How thankful I am that her birth mom chose life.

Each morning she runs to her special place....my arms. "Snuggle me mama," she says. In our pajamas and snuggled under a warm blanket, we quietly contemplate the day ahead. There are times I am so filled with joy I feel like I am floating on a balloon. Today was one of them. Rather than sitting in silence I prayed aloud, "Lord, thank you for this child. She is a blessing to our family and I am so thankful you chose us to be her parents. Help us to raise her to love you."

The problem with balloons is that they deflate or can easily be popped. After my prayer, Duchess lovingly looked up into my eyes. She obviously had something to say. I was waiting for something profound, for my balloon to be filled more. Soon I would be floating even higher. Her loving glance became somewhat disturbed. After a slight pause she bluntly stated, "Mom, your breath is stinky."

Mitch McVicker

A few weeks ago, along with The King's twin brother and family, we attended a Mitch McVicker concert. (Mitch used to play with Rich Mullins and was seriously injured in the same car accident that killed Rich.)

I can't believe it, but I left my camera at home. The photo of eight cousins sitting in five chairs in the front row would have been priceless.

I'm sorry Mitch, your performance, as wonderful as it was, was not my favorite memory of the evening. It was a comment from Maiden that I will never forget. Before the concert started Duchess was poiting out a bass. She said, "Look, there's a big..." Maiden innocently finished her sister's sentence "...fiddle."

The concert was a small gathering in a church sactuary, but the music was great! They are on tour promoting the release of his newest CD, which is awesome. The kids and I have been listening to him every day. Check him out, you won't be disappointed.

Don't Forget to Close Your Crunch

Today, when driving through town, a car pulled up next to us at a stop light. The driver had an over-sized item in her trunk so her trunk door was propped open. Duchess noticed, and in a very concerned tone of voice exclaimed, "Oh no, that lady left her crunch open."

A Good Time!

We were out of town this weekend with family. I couldn't resist sharing this kid quote:

Me (to Squire and younger boy cousin, Sir I, who had just come in from outdoors): "What have you boys been doing?"

Squire: "Oh, we were just watching the dogs mate."

Sir I, who doesn't know what 'mating' means, very enthusiatically added: "Yeah, they looked like they were having a really good time!"

I'm a Size 5

"I can't wear this, it's a size 4. I need a size 5. Ugh. Why can't I ever find my size?"

I know, you're probably thinking, What's she complaining about? She's had six children and can't fit into her 4's anymore. Cry me a river.

EXCEPT...that complaint was not coming from my bedroom this morning. It came from Duchess' room. She's five years old. Everything in her life revolves around being five. She knows what the number five looks like. Five is like a magic number for her. If she locates a five on a sign, price, envelope, or in a book, she squeals with delight. "A five, I'm five too!"

She has recently realized that most of her clothes have a four in them. She does not like being a 4. She wants to wear a size 5 even though fives are too big. She does not understand that her age and her clothing don't have to be the same.

I am glad my age and clothing size don't match. I'd be a 39. It's bad enough that I'm a size...never mind. Let's just say I wish I could be a size five too. Well Duchess, I guess we both have something to complain about. I don't like my size either.