Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Before Christmas The King and I were looking to buy a new vehicle.  Not brand new.  That's not our style.  New to us is something made within the past decade that we can pay for without having to take out a loan.
We drive a 15 passenger van and The King thought it was time to downsize to a Suburban.  Our van is a little big now that our two older boys are driving on their own.  After looking around and test driving various Suburbans, we decided to wait and make our final decision after the new year.  During the wait, I decided it may be in our best interest to keep driving The Great White Royal Chariot.

I told The King, "There's nothing wrong with the van, it runs good, the air works, it pulls our camper without a single complaint.  If we would put a little money into her, she could be almost as nice as a Suburban.  We could put in a new stereo system, fix the things that are broken, and replace our remote starter.  Then we could take the money we save to help us move closer to some of those investment opportunities we've been discussing.  Or, better yet, we could adopt another baby"  The King agreed (not to the baby) and we decided we would keep the van and save our money.
Yesterday I changed my mind.  See the white lines?  I couldn't either.  See the yellow lines?  Neither could I.  The only time I knew for sure I was close to being in my lane was when Great White's right tires would hit the chatter bumps on the side of the road.  I know a Suburban wouldn't help me see better, but locking it into four wheel drive would have made me feel better.  As hard as Great White tried to keep it all together, she occassionally got the jitters, lost her cool and fishtailed on the road.  I thought we were home free when we finally left the tar and turned onto gravel. 

That's when Great White stopped dead in her tracks.  The fresh snow made the road look twice as wide as it actually was.  Great White was afraid she would drive off of the road and land in the ditch.  She knew The King was gone for a week.  Great White had bad memories of the last time she sat in the ditch and waited an entire day for The King to rescue her...the Deputy Sheriff searched her without permission.   One sloppy day she lost her footing and slid into the ditch just across the road from our house.  From our front window we saw the Deputy drive up, climb in and examine her every nook and cranny.  She told me later that she felt so violated.  It took a lot of therapeutic oil changes and car washes to help her overcome feeling like Great White Trash. I promised her I'd keep her out of the ditch this time, and if I couldn't, I'd lock her up.  I wouldn't allow the Deputy to defile her ever again.

When we got to our second gravel road, I heard Great White breathe a sigh of relief.  There were fresh tracks she could follow.  She only had to make it to the trees on the right side of the road.
But when we pulled into the driveway Great White said to me, "Queen Michelle, I really wish I were a Suburban right now.  I know I can make it in, but I'm pretty sure I won't make it out.  The odds of my being trapped in the driveway until The King's return increase with every inch of snow that falls."  I caressed her dash and told her I didn't care if we sat here for a week.  We were safe and that's all that mattered.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that for the entire trip I'd been wishing she were a Suburban too.

Sure enough, Great White is now stuck in the driveway.   This is the second spot she got stuck in last night.  I know it looks like I could drive right out, but she spun her back tires through the snow and now they just go round and round.  If she had front wheel drive, this wouldn't be an issue.  If she were a Suburban, this definitely wouldn't be an issue!

Ecclesiates talks about there being a season for every activity under heaven.  Little did we know that King Solomon was talking about The Great White Royal Chariot.  She has proven that her season is definitely not winter.


  1. But it would be like getting rid of one of the family members! She has been so good to you.

    I do love my suburban and have used 4 wheel drive lots this winter already, it's amazing what she will go through!

  2. I tried to p ohshtyr55jk jhu m ,k (destiny helping there). I tried to post before, but don't think it went through. That is awesome if you put my blog on your sidebar. I need to do the same with yours, as I can never find it...

  3. I'm not sure why, but this story made me laugh and cry. It really makes me miss all our friends down there with vans that big. I also miss those wide open desolate roads where you can see for miles and miles.

    Good story telling. Glad you're home safe and sound.


  4. You are too funny!!! You are such a great story teller, I think writing a book should be in your future!!


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