Saturday, September 1, 2007

Survivor: Chicken Island

Here is "Viv", the winner of Survivor: Chicken Island, which took place right here on our hobby farm. All of the challenges were fatal. Most of the participants, approximately twenty-five in all, were laying hens like her, although there were a couple of roosters in on the challenge.

The first challenge took place in June when we were on vacation. Farmer Boy, a friend of ours, was watching the farm and doing the chicken chores for us. We got a phone call one morning to tell us that something was getting into the chicken coop. He had found chicken remnants laying around. He figured it had to be coyotes, and locked the chickens up until we returned home. Challenge #1: Escaping death by coyotes.

Our chickens don't like to be caged, so the first survivors were not happy that Farmer Boy had them imprisoned. They protested, squawking, "Bock, bock...we are free spirits, we like to roam around the farm at our leisure. We don't really care to eat the organic chicken feed our owners drive 25 miles to purchase for us. Cluck, cluck...we prefer that cheap off-brand cat food they buy those poor scrawny cats at the local Wal-Mart store. Cock a doodle do...We don't like to drink the water down at the chicken coop, we would much rather drink the cat water up by the house." Farmer Boy did not cave in to the pressure. If it weren't for him, there would have been no chickens left for the next challenge.

Challenge #2: A new dog. We brought a stray dog home with us from vacation, hoping she would be a good watchdog and scare away the coyotes. We named her Kitty. Kitty was confused...probably because we named her Kitty... She didn't do a very good job protecting the chickens. The first night she was home, she killed one. The unsuspecting pullet was up at the house drinking from the cat's water. She didn't know what hit her. The dog sat proudly with the dead chicken at her feet. Kitty was sentenced to a long chain.

Challenge #3: While the Royal family plays. Kitty had been with us for about a week when we left to play at the lake. We returned home after dark and by the glow of the yard light, I could see an unfamiliar outline in the shadows. Next I saw the chain with no dog attached. The outline was a pile of ten dead chickens neatly stacked by the house, a thank you gift to us from Kitty for saving her from a life on the streets.

The next morning we were able to see how busy Kitty had been. There were piles of feathers spread around the yard. E-I-E-I-O, a brown pile here, a white pile there, here a red pile, there a yellow pile, everywhere a pile, pile. Kitty must have tortured the chickens for hours, chasing and killing them in numerous areas of the yard, and then neatly piling her prey near the house. The King found more that next morning that were so wounded there was no chance of recovery. He had to put them out of their misery.

By this time we realized Kitty was not a good dog to have on our farm. (I know, we are a little slow.) She proved it by getting off the chain again. Challenge #4: Kitty can't stop. She killed a few more chickens, but when she started chasing the sheep, The King insisted she had to go.

Challenge #5: Kitty is out of here. The day we loaded Kitty into the van to take her away, she got loose. She knew there was one chicken left and was intent on finding her. Viv won! She was the last chicken standing! Kitty was banished from our kingdom forever.

As for Viv, she has post traumatic stress disorder. She has not laid an egg since Survivor: Chicken Island began. She is not the chicken she used to be. She now spends her days roaming around the farm, eating cheap cat food, and repeatedly clucking under her breath, "A dog named Kitty didn't get me, a dog named Kitty didn't get me, a dog named Kitty didn't get me...."


  1. Hahahaha... Oh Michelle, you have me in stitches over here.

    So... did Viv receive some prize for being the chicken to outwit, outplay and outlast all the other chickens? If there is no cash prize maybe an upgrade to the name brand kitty food would be nice. :o)

    Are you going to park day Thursday? We plan to be there.

  2. Poor Viv and the other chickens!

    It's so hard to train a dog not to kill the things that they have the instincts to kill.

    Will you be getting more chickens now? How about another dog?


I love to hear what you have to say.