The Queen Comes Out of Hiding

Yes, that's me. I'm back. I really do miss blogging, but it took a lot of time away from other things in my life. Mainly housekeeping, child rearing, exercise, spending face to face time with important people in my life, etc. I guess I need to find a happy medium. I am not the best time manager. We'll see how it all goes.

You may wonder what's been going on around here. I'll try to sum it up for you.

The King of my castle is busy, busy, busy. Always on the road, it seems. When he's home, he's on the phone with work...I guess I shouldn't complain. He has a large family to provide for, and it takes a lot of provision to keep us going. He doesn't get a lot of free time, but his new hobby is trying to create the perfect pie. You'd think I would like it, but I don't. You should see the scale when I step on it. He's sabotaging me.

I can't remember what I called this kid. Squire? He's 14. He is busy with school and activities. Track is happening now, and only 35 days left of school. He has big plans to take Driver's Ed this summer. (Lord, help me!) That way he'll be ready to drive when he turns 15 in September. He would like us to move to South Dakota so he could be driving now.

I'm pretty sure I called this one Scribe. He's 13 and up to the same stuff as his closest brother. It's frightening to me, but his voice is changing. I hear men in my house all the time now. He's a comedian and makes me roll my eyes and shake my head many times a day.

Jester. Not so much anymore. The laughter he brought to our home is no longer here. He decided to disown the family. This is one of the last times I saw him, which was on his 19th birthday in October. It's sad. It's hard. I'm trying to deal with the rejection, but not doing so well. Some days I cry. Other days I am just plain angry. Angry with him. Angry with my husband, because I so badly want to blame someone. Angry with me, because I didn't see it coming. I feel betrayed. I miss him.

Prince Charming. What can I say about him? He makes me smile every day. I look at him in awe and wonder. As a mother I can brag about his brilliance. He's four and is starting to read. Seriously. I haven't even taught him how. The other day he said to me, "Freak is like free. Free is F-R-E-E. I can spell freak. F-R-E-E-C." I was very impressed. Of course, I didn't correct him. He'll be home another year so he should have the correct spelling down before he starts Kindergarten in 2012.

My Jouster. Not so much a fighter with me anymore. (Whew!) Though we do compete from time to time. Here we are doing a push up contest (he beat me because he's only 20 and the sun was in my eyes, but I gave him a run for his money). He is making great strides at turning his life around. He still lives at home and is my right hand man when The King is away. He's working at Hardee's while he waits to start construction work the end of May. He's looking forward to making some real money so he can get a place of his own. I'm not so sure I want him to go, It is really nice having another adult around all the time. He has a girlfriend who has a one year old son. I adore that little guy. I love it when they come to visit so I can get my baby fix.

Maiden and Duchess. Two years apart and toothless together. Isn't that fun? I love my girls. One looks just like me, one acts just like me. So, I guess I have two Mini-Me's. I don't know if that's good or bad. I guess it depends on who you ask. They are doing well in school, and sadly for The King, love to spend time at the mall (which I have no problem with).

Well, that's it for today. I'll have to let you know in the next few days what I've been doing for myself. I am heading down a new path...

My Children

Here is the most recent photo I have of all of my children. It was taken on Jouster's 19th birthday in July. I can't believe I have a 19 year old son. It makes it harder for people to believe I am only 29 years old when they see him by my side. There may come a day I will have to admit my real age.

Let me update you on what is going on with each of them.

Jouster: He is now 19 and swore he'd never step foot into a college. However, he is now a college student. He has worked out his schedule so he can be a full time student and still work his job at the hog farm 3 days per week. He still struggles from time to time with demons from his past but is really doing well. I am proud of the wonderful young man he has become.

Jester: We struggled with him over the summer. He left home two weeks ago and we haven't heard from him. He has stayed in contact with Jouster so we know he is safe. We will keep our distance and allow him the space he feels he needs from us. He is a senior in high school this year and will turn 18 in a few weeks. I am sad that our relationship has come to this point, but all I can do now is pray for him. The little kids miss him. Maiden said last night, "I hope he comes home so he can sit in his spot again." (Meaning at the dinner table.) It broke my heart.

Squire: Is in 7th grade this year and is taking his homeschool studies very seriously. He started playing piano again which makes me extremely happy! He is in cross country and is begging to join the Civil Air Patrol.

Scribe: Not so serious about school. He's in 6th grade and hides from me a lot. We are working on him staying on task with getting his work done. He's also in piano again...much to his chagrin and is running cross country. He's a pretty good little runner.

Duchess: She has taken over the role of first born. She likes to "mother" the younger two around and keep them in line. She is a second grader this year and is still working on learning to read. She is now in charge of egg collecting and loves her new chore!

Maiden: My little Kindergartner. Her goal for this school year, "To finish Kindergarten." She only thinks she's doing school if she's working in workbooks. Me reading aloud to her is not considered school to her. She gets frustrated when I won't let her work ahead in her books. I need some of her enthusiasm to wear off on Scribe!

Prince Charming: My little boy is three--and--IS POTTY TRAINED!!!! He is my little snuggler and is never far from my side. The most common words out of his mouth are, "I want my mama," or "I need you mama." I love it. Hopefully his need for me follows him all the way through his teen years.

New Wheels

Jouster bought his first car. It is a 1993 Toyota Camry. He took our advice and lowered his standards to buy something with cash, rather than taking out a loan and making payments. We have adopted the idea of paying cash for all our vehicles. We choose to not go into debt.

Since we made the decision to buy our vehicles with cash, we've found that it's a whole lot easier to buy on credit than to pay for it up front. I don't know why. But when you've worked so hard to save, it suddenly becomes harder to let that money go.

Jouster realized that as he was looking. He had originally wanted something a little more sporty but as he researched used vehicles, he found that Camry's can accumulate many, many miles. He had more money, and could have bought something a little newer, but chose to hold on to some of his savings.

I'm proud of my son. He's becoming a very wise young man!

Hi--A Lot's Been Going On Here!

Hi All,
Just want to let you know that I'm still around.

Jouster is home for good. He'll have been home for two weeks tomorrow and things are going fine. He is such a joy to have home. We've decided he will be homeschooled his last year of school and he is contemplating a job opportunity with a friend of ours. I'll let you know how things go.

My sister and her family were here for a week. Friday, the last night she was here, I had a miscarriage. It was pretty bad, I ended up spending four days in the hospital and needing a blood transfusion. I got home yesterday. I am pretty weak right now and have spent a lot of time napping. I've been told it will take at least a month before I am back to normal (whatever that means--I've never been quite normal). I am just thankful to be alive. There was a point when I honestly thought I would not make it. My husband took a picture of me laying in the hospital bed and I looked like a corpse. Pretty scary.

Emotionally I am a little down. I can't help but wonder why I had to lose another baby. God knows. I wish he'd tell me.

Happy Birthday

Jouster was eligible for a 12 hour pass the day before his birthday. His only request: "I just want to be home for my 18th birthday." So, we picked him up at 9:00 a.m. and had him back by 9:00p.m. This is our traditional 'kid photo' for birthdays. It was good to have him home.
He's letting his hair grow out, and experimenting with some chin hairs. We got him a Culver's Turtle Cake for his big day. He used to work at Culver's and was happy we thought to get him one. The birthday person of honor chooses his/her meal and sits at the head of the table with our special birthday plate. Jouster had no requests for a meal. "Anything homemade," was his choice. We had barbecued dutch oven chicken, fresh bake whole wheat dinner rolls, peaches and cream, baked potatoes, and corn. He was thrilled with his birthday dinner. We were thrilled to be able to be with him.

Happy Birthday, son. We love you!

Jouster

The Teen Challenge Choir came to a local church to perform (and fund raise). Teen Challenge (not only for teens) needs to fund raise (in addition to each person's monthly tuition payment) $1000 per month per person in the program. Going to churches provides them with the funds they need to continue running their program. Jouster is in the front row, third from the left. The group performs and individuals share their testimonies. Some of them were heart breaking...years and years of lives wasted on drugs and alcohol. Jouster shared that the greatest thing that had happened to him while in the program was that his relationship with his family had been restored. I cried as I watched him sing and heard him speak. He took my breath away when I first saw him on stage. I have never seen him in a shirt and tie, and in that outfit he looked like a man. I guess he should, he's nearly eighteen. But in my eyes, I still see him as my little boy.
I LOVE this photo of my oldest and my youngest. Are they handsome or what? There is a gentleness to Jouster that I have not seen before. He is more patient and no longer easily angered. I believe that God is working on his heart, and I continue to pray that he will totally surrender himself to his Heavenly Father.

He has completed 6 months of the program and has another 8 to go. He does not want to stay once he gets his diploma. (He thinks he can finish school by the end of August.) Once he turns 18, we can't force him to stay. I fret when I think about it, but then I have to give it to God. There is nothing I can do except continue to pray and praise God for the wonderful changes we have seen thus far.

Thank you, Lord!

What's Been Happening Around Here

A lot has happened in the past month. I'll fill you in.... (Warning...VERY LONG POST!)
The Haircut

Before. I was getting pretty shaggy and felt a little frumpy.

It's not good to feel frumpy when you are about to turn 40. Thus, a rash decision to get rid of the hair:After.

Prince Charming was scared of me the night I came home with my new look. He wouldn't even let me hold him. He was so frightened of me, he went to bed that night without nursing. I wanted to cry. He was fine the next morning. I wish I could say the same for myself. I had haircutting remorse when I looked in the mirror the next day. (I'm over it now.)

Quilting Weekend

My friend Rapunzel and I spent a weekend sewing at her house. We are part of a block of the month club at our local quilt shop. Neither one of us had started the project this year and it needs to be done by the first weekend in June. If we bring in our completed blocks, we will get the border fabrics for the quilt. If it's not complete, no fabric.

We cut the first night and sewed the next day. We ate a lot of fun snacks, watched some HGTV, and listened to some great Christian radio. Rapunzel was a little disappointed in my sewing/quilting skills. I admit, I was a tad rusty. The last time I used my machine had been with her at her cabin...14 months prior. My poor Bernina was feeling a little neglected. It was fun to sew again. I won't wait 14 months again!

Maiden is 4

May 5th Maiden turned four years old. She is such a joy in our lives.
Since she has a Cinco De Mayo birthday, we have no choice but to eat at our favorite Mexican restaurant. Yummy!
And then back home for some cake and gifts. The girl in the background that is not part of my family is Jester's "Good Friend and Running Partner". She hangs out at our house quite a bit. If I didn't know better, I would think she's his girlfriend.

I am 40!

I turned 40 on Mother's Day this year. The King made my day very relaxing. I didn't have to do any cooking, cleaning, or diaper changing. What a fine day! It would have been perfect if Jouster had been with me as well. I did see him the day before and for that I was very thankful.
Surprise!!!

Two days before my birthday, some very special people in my life nearly gave me a heart attack by having a surprise party for me. You shouldn't do that to people my age.

I hope they have all repented for their sins. Those planning the event (all proclaimed Christians) were secretive and deceitful in the days leading up to the big party. I can't believe I was oblivious to all the planning that went on behind my back. I did get a tiny bit suspicious just minutes before the surprise when we pulled into the driveway of our friends house so The King could 'pick up a book' on our way to go out and eat. "Why don't you just come in and say hi with me for a few minutes?" I thought, "Hmm...what's going on?" But when I looked up and down the street, I saw no vehicles. "Good the coast is clear, no surprises for me." I hate surprises. The King is on the far left of the photo. Doesn't he look proud of himself? And me? I am taking my "You guys are in big trouble mothering stance." The King knows I hate surprises. I think that's why he's got such a big smile on his face.

Now they are all singing, and I am about to cry. You all did this for me?

I am so blessed with great friends and family. Even if they are deceitful and can't be trusted.

See the lady in the blue shirt at the right of the photo? She was the most tricky. She called me the day of the party to throw me off. We had tried to plan a double date with her and her hubby for that evening, but things weren't working out. She told me on the phone, "I'm getting the kids bathed, we're thinking about leaving today (a day early) for my in-laws. I feel bad that we didn't get to do anything for your birthday." (She was going to be gone for the whole weekend for Mother's Day.) Oh, she is one smooth talking lady.

Even my Sister in Love and King's Twin had rehearsed what their children were to say to me on the phone 'just in case' I called their house when they were gone.

See why I'm concerned about them repenting?

Here I am (the short one) with the Ladies who planned it all. Thank you. It was a great evening and definitely made turning 40 a little less painful.

Colorado

I flew to Colorado for a week to help my sister with my nephew's graduation. I was in Windsor and flew home a day before the big tornado. I had just had a conversation with my niece on Monday about how "Colorado doesn't get tornadoes". I guess I was wrong. My sister's yard furniture was destroyed and were still without electricity the last time I spoke to her.

Weavermom: We will have to get together on my next trip out there!

Jouster

Jouster has been having a hard time in treatment. He tried to get kicked out of the program (by running away a second time) so he could come home. The King went to the facility and talked with those in charge and with Jouster. They said he could stay. He was very disappointed. He thought for sure he wouldn't be allowed to stay.

For now, he is staying and has committed to finish High School there. I am praying that the amount of time it takes him to finish school is close to the amount of time he has left in the program.

That's all for now.

Blessings,

Update

I'm just letting you all know that I have something terribly wrong with my laptop. It was so bad that my usually computer savvy hubby took it in to the big guys to get it fixed. I am a little afraid I will lose one year's worth of photos that I have not printed yet. But that's what I get for procrastinating in printing them AND not listening to my conscience when I felt I had to back it up.

I'll fill you in on other happenings:

I am going to a home school conference this week. I'm really looking forward to finding all the treasures I need for this fall. We are studying ancient history and I have compiled a list of books I want to read aloud and for the boys to read on their own next year. Wouldn't it be great if I found them all at the used book sale? I let you know how it goes.

I'm thinking about chopping off my hair. What do you think? I am going to be 40 soon. Am I supposed to have long hair when I'm 40?

Jouster is doing great!!!!!His attitude is good and he actually told us he's thankful he's where he is. He still has good days and bad days, and his roommate graduates the program in May, so keep him in your prayers. That will be a tough transition for him.

We have ordered our carpet for the basement. We are hoping it will arrive, and can be installed on Saturday. The bathroom is finally fully functioning, and I am painting woodwork and touching up walls. When my computer is fixed, I'll post photos.

I miss reading your blogs, and plan to catch up a little here and there when I get access to a computer. My most exciting news that I can share with you is that I am flying to Colorado in May. I'm going to help my sister with my nephew's graduation and will be there for about a week. Any blogger friends just north of Denver?

Grandmother Goddess of the Garden at Barely Controlled Chaos, presented me with an award. (I just need to figure out how to get it posted here.) Thank you. She said I was a good mom, and I was humbled...She just had brain surgery and went through a week of radiation. Stop by and give her some encouragement. I pray for her as the Lord brings her to mind. Would you too?

Have a great week. Hopefully I'll be back soon!

Blessings,

Hard Day--Full of Hope

I can honestly say today was one of the three hardest days of my life.

The first was in November of 1990, the day I left my four month old, first born son and my husband for Desert Storm.

The second was April 14, 2004, the day I watched my 56 year old mother leave this earth to join our Heavenly Father in eternity.

And now today. My heart is raw. My soul is aching. We admitted our oldest son into a 12-15 month faith based residential treatment program.

Once we made our decision, we had a whirlwind of paperwork, doctor's appointments, phone calls, etc. I didn't have time to really think about what was happening. No time to think about how we would feel. It hit me hard this morning. I found him sound asleep on the sofa. Apparently he had a hard time sleeping last night. While everyone else was in bed, he stayed up. He was all alone to contemplate what was about to happen. I just wanted to pick him up, hold him, rock him, and kiss his fears away. To fix what was wrong. I used to be able to do that for him. I felt helpless as I watched him sleep.

When I looked around the room, I found my two little boys (ages 11 and 10) snuggled up on the love seat close by. It was 5:00 a.m. The told me they had just come downstairs, they wanted to spend some time with their brother before he left. I realized I couldn't fix their hurting hearts either.

Then the baby woke up. It was as though he knew his big brother needed an extra dose of love. He sat and snuggled with him for a long time. Next, the girls. Hugs, kisses, more hugs and kisses. Tears welled up but I was able hold them back. I wanted to be strong.

And I was strong. Until my other teenage son said goodbye. They hugged, for a long time. When they both started to cry, I was no longer able to stay strong. The knot in my throat grew so large I thought I would choke. I couldn't breathe. Until I let the tears go.

The rest of the day was emotional. Admitting him. Leaving him. Coming home. He was no longer here. Carrying on with life. Wishing things were different.

I can't believe we have a child who needs more help than we can give him. I can't believe that we have a child who has chosen a life of self destruction. I can't believe our child is in a treatment facility.

But today we have hope. Hope for his future. Hope that God can heal his hurts and his addictions. I pray that this program is what he needs to overcome his weaknesses. And I am so thankful that we only admitted him to treatment. Many parents have buried children who have followed his same path.

If the Lord brings him to mind, would you please pray for him? He is in a blackout period for the first two weeks. We can't speak to him or see him. Pray that he will turn to the Lord for comfort and peace.

Wordless Wednesday

He's Back

Jouster is home.

He had a great time in Colorado at the Young Life/Youth For Christ Camp.

He came back happy, tan,with purple fingernails, and full of great stories.

He has informed me he's going back next year.

He had to get a little 'Prince Charming fix'. Prince Charming didn't mind.
Swinging....
Up...
And over.
Giggles all around!

(Maiden is patiently waiting her turn.)

While You Were Out....

We decided to pull a "While You Were Out" episode on Jouster when he was away at camp. This project upset out whole house for an entire week. The morning he left, Jester began tearing apart their bedroom. He was already tearing down the loft beds by the time I got the camera upstairs.

As you can see, the boys had pink carpeting in their room. I am ashamed to say we have never painted this room since we moved in...uh..eh...EIGHT years ago. It was in pretty tough shape. The old plaster walls were cracked with peeling and chipping paint. Jester had to scrape and fill in many cracks and holes before he could start painting. Then he tore out the old carpet which was glued down rubber backed. He even hung a new light fixture.

It's hard to see from the poor picture quality, but the room is gray...Confederate gray is the best explanation. The new carpeting is a multi-colored berber. The carpet layers came in yesterday afternoon and when they were done we spent the evening reassembling the beds and moving furniture back in. Loft beds are great in a small room like theirs. Under one bed is a reclining love seat, and under the other is a desk. The love seat is their favorite place to take naps...it's too much work to climb up into bed for a quick snooze.

I had a great idea to put shelves up above the windows for their alarm clocks and fans (it gets hot so high in the air). When The King gets home Thursday, he plans to put permanent outlets up there so we don't have so many extension cords hanging around.

Jester worked hard to get it done and was extremely tired by the end of the week. He was pretty proud of his accomplishment. We still have a few more things to do...bookshelves, window treatments and closet organizers.

Jouster's reaction to the transformation? "Oh man, this room is sweet."